I’ll Wager The Novelty Wears Off…

During an online conversation with my brother, I end up mentioning Sock’em Boppers and decide to search for them, for lack of anything better to do. The search leads me to Amazon, where they kindly invite me to search for more “Novelty Amusement Toys”….I’m betting that the amusement comes more from looking at the weird [...]

Relearning to Speak

After spot-washing my work clothes: “I can’t go to shirt with a wet work.”
…Should probably stop drinking for a couple of nights.

Quickies

I almost peed on my apron strings today. Twice.

When I ask you something while I’m not looking at you, you can’t possibly expect that you can nod and I will hear it.

Once I ring you up and have already taken your money, don’t search around in your purse for five minutes for that onepenny that [...]

Brain Dump

 Just a bunch of things floating around in my head that aren’t enough to make up individual, interesting posts all by themselves.
1. I’m sick of this “I pick and eat boogers” shit that keeps leading people here. I did, however, have a friend who ate them. When we were six. Grow up. They might be [...]

Are You Kidding Me?

Baby Born in Mom’s Pants
If you don’t feel like reading the whole thing, a) no big deal, but b) you’re fucking lazy. It’s like three paragraphs. But I’ll sum it up anyways–there’s only one important line:
“‘I didn’t know what happened until he was in my pant leg.’”
This begs so many questions, for example:

Was she [...]

Retching all over life.

 Usually every Wednesday we go to the soon-to-be in-laws and have dinner. Yesterday my ’second mama’ “wasn’t feeling well”….I’ll bet you anything it was diarrhea.
I need my home-cooked dinner once a week, dammit. I don’t care whose home it comes from, as long as it’s not from my apartment–dinner here consists of pulling frozen veggie [...]

Check the Fridge

 
Yes, I’m asking for it.
 
Can’t wait till he gets home!

Small News

I’m compiling the list of search engine terms after that last little gem. Here you can see the absurdity that is the human race.
You sons of bitches are pretty sick, you know?….
Yes, I do realize my hypocrisy.
…I am so looking forward to getting more like this. It makes me tingle, somewhere near the butthole.

My Brain Just Cringed…

I checked my Blog Stats just this minute (measly and pathetic though they are) and scrolled down to see if anyone found it by way of a search engine. Just curious, as always.
They did.
The term that brought them to my page:
“pick and eat your boogers real picturs”
Glorious, isn’t it?
I read it, read it again, and [...]

Reappearing Momentarily

Miss me?
Sure you did. Fucking liar.
Mostly the well ran dry. Also I figure I’d give you a break from reading this nonsensical bullshit and giving yourself a headache.
But now I’m back. For the moment. So Uh-oh all over you.
Things have been quite quiet here, sitting in my little chair (it swivels!–yea, so what?). So I [...]